I haven’t written a post for a while and it has been for a few different reasons. I can let the simplest of details be the excuse or I can just tell you that life caught up to me, the way it does all of us. The real truth is I have been melancholy. I know I’m strong, my support systems are stronger. I am truly greater for my closest friends and family.
I really can’t tell you that I feel I had a purpose before I met my wife Nicky. I have always been a kind person, never wishing to really bother anybody. I didn’t have any real plans and making a living was usually pretty easy, always finding something I was talented in.
Meeting Nicky, meant being with her and being happy became my purpose. It really is that simple and I can tell you that I the most fondest of memories from our travels together.
The holidays hit, the emotions and the mind are still very raw as time will near to the one year mark of her death.
I say melancholy because sometimes, I deny the sadness that is the reality of her death. That she really is not her. I have spoken of gratitude in my previous posts and indeed, being thankful for my time with Nicky has helped me.
Sometimes though, in living in the moment and doing my best to always be thinking good thoughts, my mind looks for her. I have to take a second and confirm the disbelief that tries to take a breath of air. I have to remind myself that it is all indeed real, and she is gone.
Those feelings became very overwhelming at times during the holidays. I did my best to put on a brave front here and there but in the end a lot of differents broke me down a little.
I don’t want to admit that I am human, nor do I at all times wish to remember that no man is an island.
All great cliches, all related however acceptance at all times is easier said then practised.
I was there though. I had to send out a cry for help and I new it. I made a post to Social Media and I am very thankful that I did that. A cry for help, is a cry for help and I believe sometimes it is all you have left.
A lot of my friends responded, with great wisdom and solid advice. A few different people reached out to me and let me know that I was important to them.
They let me know that I was a strong person and that I was helping a lot of people by sharing my struggles to begin with.
I won’t deny it helped and it made me feel better.
Through this whole experience in losing my beautiful wife Nicky, I have come to meet some absolutely incredible people. Some tremendously strong woman who have overcome challenges that make them heroes.
Nicky was always kind and respectful, but she wouldn’t back down from protecting her friends, or the weak. She used to say that she was a bully to the bullies. Nicky believed in just standing up for what is right.
One of the friends that Nicky met along the way, has a bond with me that she is not even aware of. In writing this post I will keep her identity a secret. In reading this post, she will know who she is. This friend, this incredible human being, I will call Hope.
Here is my letter to you.
It is to thanks to you that I have been feeling better, closer to finding my true purpose since Nicky’s passing. Creating this website has been a twisted set of emotions, a battle of how to celebrate Nicky’s life and offer love to anybody willing to listen.
In reaching out for help I want you to know that your story is that of bravery and heroism.
In reminding myself that somebody always has it worse, I think of you and the fears you face in facing your battles. I think of how you know the way the worlds looks at you sometimes, how you are judged before the real human being inside of you is presented.
You don’t judge the world itself and you offer only your own healing and redemption as an example that you can be better. You have made mistakes in your life but you own them and you are making them right. There is never any easy way for a person to admit to wrongs, but you have and now you are on a better path.
THAT IS TO BE CELEBRATED
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me and confiding in me those challenges of addiction. Thank you for sharing how people treat you and how Nicky gave you the strength to continue and to be yourself.
The world is indeed a better place because you are here.
You are setting an example for anybody out there who is trying to overcome the same battles.
Nicky recognized how strong you were. In her death I have learned too and you are giving me hope to continue. I am finding purpose in this site, and in Nicky’s memory.
If you are reading this, and not sure if it’s you, I want to share one more thing with you. The memory of you and I share that is more like a pulse of love, a connection of energy or feeling. I don’t know how else to explain it, it will always remain in my heart.
When I was in Calgary, I dropped of some sentiments, including a box with an Ornament.
That Ornnament, said Hope. You gave it to Nicky when she was in the hospital.
When I cleansed my house, anything that brought real sadness was thrown away or given away. Some things it just seemed appropriate for me to return to the original owner.
In this case,it was you and every time I were to hold that box, I would smile and think of Nicky. Then I would think of you and I would smile and…relate to how much we both love her.
When I was walking away that day and I watched you walking up your steps. You were looking at down at the box in your hands and you stopped. I tell you I can still feel that same emotion with you.
Nicky was a strong woman who believed in being herself and living life to the fullest. I hope you know that you were an inspiration to her, and you have my respect and admiration. I am so thankful you are my friend.
Thank you Hope.
The Struggle is Real
At the end of the day, the struggle is real. No matter what you have faced in your life. No matter how good or bad you have it, you may not understand how something small, can be a huge challenge for somebody in life. And that is just with a lot of the things we can control.
I thank the friends that commented on social media for me, reminding me the struggle is real. Reminding me that there is help, no matter how much I think I don’t want it, or need it.
There are a lot of people struggling with many things. And that’s ok. It really really is.
It is ok to feel sad. It is ok to feel angry. It is ok to admit pain and it is ok to admit mistakes.
The trick is to make the call for help. Sometimes you need it.
Thanks for Reading. Thinking Good Thoughts. Love is Always the Answer.
Filling The Void With Gratitude
For lack of better words the only explanation that I have for missing a few weeks of writing something would be writers block. I am confused and there are often times that I still feel lost. It can be a bit of a skipping record I guess, the high and lows, repeatedly talking about them. I find filling the void with gratitude seems to work for me, at least it is definitely helping.
Part of the reason for the block if you will, is the usual lack of answers. When I go to write something, I do believe that my opinions or ideas suggestions are right, or correct, or will benefit you in some way. I guess it’s because I am a man and because I do want to help, that want to help is genuine. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.
The answers that I am talking about are for some rough statements I hear from time to time.
“How do you do it?”, or “I can’t imagine!”
Quite simply, you do it the same way that you do absolutely everything else in life, it just happens. You keep breathing, nothing else stops. The world continue to turn.
You don’t want to imagine, it is not something anybody ever aspires to in most cases. And although we may say mean things in anger, nobody really wants anything bad to happen to the family.
I don’t want to say anything that would seemingly lighten the fact that I lost my wife, however, it is a challenge that I have had to overcome in the same way that other people face challenges that have drastic impacts on there own lives.
You never think about them because we don’t get up every day and think about a bunch of bad things happening. If you do get up every day and just think of a bunch bad things happening, I would kindly suggest you try doing that differently. This is where the strength comes from, the very strength that is within all of us. Every single one of us has the power to overcome the things that happen to us.
When I talk about the different ways to love yourself, being grateful is on the top of the list. I am starting to understand why. I think you will always here a grateful person say something like,
” Well, It could of been worse, I am just thankful for this and this.”
For whatever the situation may be. Nicky would be just like that. Now sometimes the shoes is on the other foot and Nicky would day dream a little. Saying that she wished she had this or that, but we are allowed a little bit of self-indulgence in life. Where would we be without, it soothes us.
I am trying to live in the now. Think Good Thoughts. I believe Nicky was living in the now. I don’t think she would care about the relation that I am making to how to live everyday life, but she was the shining example.
Even while being diagnosed and going through the physical changes, her demeanor did not change. There was no dip in her genuine approach to living her life. Creating a positive energy for the people around her.
The void will never go away for me, no different then the void or challenge in other people’s lives will go away. I don’t quite understand the saying, time heals all wounds. I don’t know if this is something that ever heals.
Living in the now and thinking good thoughts is for lack of better words a science. Based on laws of the universe and I think that is why I find comfort and put faith in the notions.
You can’t feel bad, or angry, or sad when you are thinking good thoughts. It’s not even possible.
Yes it is easier said then done, tell me something in life that isn’t.
There is comfort though in learning how to let the void just sit there in my head and be there. Like so many other different things that I have thoughts about, but will never actually figure out. Mysteries of the mind, as Jim Rohn calls them.
I am starting to understand this, and take comfort in it. This is what made Nicky happy. And it makes me happy to think about it, instead of dwelling on the void.
Because we just keep breathing, our lives just keep going, letting the void sit is the way forward. The void can be whatever challenge you have in your life. Whatever situation that is holding you back, emotionally.
Getting lost in the memory of Nicky has been holding me back for the last little while, over the holidays. There is a little bit of everything hitting me at different times. The denial, remorse, anger and frustration.
It is for me a cycle, and sometimes when it is bringing me down the most, I don’t want to try and make it feel better. I want to pretend for a little while that I can deny it all enough to bring her back and make it not real anymore.
This is where I do have to turn on the Thinking Good Thoughts, living in the now. It pulls me right into the present. It also alleviates all of the stress and anxieties that I have. It doesn’t make them go away or solve anything instantly, however remember, it’s a law. You can’t be stressed and happy at the same time! Impossible to feel both emotions.
Easier said then done depending on where or what, but stopping and just taking a breath to pull yourself into the present can clear your mind enough to take away the fog and help you think clearly.
When I find myself spinning in that void of missing NIcky, I try to instantly think of her smiing and telling me to Think Good Thoughts. I begin remembering what I cannot change and suddenly the gratitude kicks in…and then I suddenly want to do better again.
Here we are. Good health, looking for a reason to remember the positive in life. We all have different challenges and see life differently. I want to be able to move forward and it means taking all of my own advice, all of Nicky’s advice.
Pretending I can change anything is being naive. I am human and there are certain things, scientifically I have to accept on how the brain works and what grief and mourning does to a person. The same way I believe positive thinking is the answer. It leads to love.
So try and fill your void, your challenge with gratitude. Remembering the positive of your situation no matter how bleak it may seem. Thinking Good Thoughts, knowing love is the answer will help you through.
What’s the worst that can happen? You feel better 😉
Sincere Thanks for Reading. Comments are not just welcomed, they are encouraged!
It is really easy to get lost in the hectic mess of a day in the life.
Any life. We all have are ups and downs and things that happen to us. Things that affect us individually and as families. Challenges, some that are within our control and some that are not.
Having the wisdom to know the differences is said to be one of the life’s great challenges in itself.
How is it possible sometimes to just step outside of the stress and make it seem like there are no problems? By Thinking Good Thoughts!
You step into the present and you enjoy the moment and the ability to control what you are thinking about. It is not possible for you to have a bad thought and a good thought at the same time, so why not make it a good one!
This freedom of your thoughts leads into finding ways that you can live in the moment and enjoy your life more, with everything you do, truly loving yourself along the way. Loving yourself means happiness inside. This happiness will naturally bring out the best in all you do and with all you interact with.
This one is easy and it’s fun!
Start your day happy about, well, starting your day! Yeah I know, I am saying be happy that you are alive and be thankful. You have heard it before. Thinking good thoughts and finding a positive spin on everything in your life, can make your day better.
Don’t wait to say thanks to the people in your life that love you. I loved giving Nicky flowers more then anything in the world sometimes because I knew how much she loved the attention.
I think men should give flowers more often. It shouldn’t be just because you have done something wrong. Send the one you love flowers at least a couple times a month. The reason every time can be, just because.
That is the word I am looking for. I think, that Thinking Good Thoughts means that you are praying, doesn’t it? The most successful people in the world have always said that being grateful and praying were reasons they are successful.
When you are done being thankful, think good thoughts about yourself and your day! Think about how you want the day to go and want you are going to get accomplished.
Seems nobody wants to hear these words any more. Maybe we have all lost sight of what it is supposed to mean to fit and healthy. The good news is we can keep this simple and to the point as well.
Everybody has a level of fitness and only they get to decide it for themselves. This exactly relates to food and cooking. If you don’t like the way certain foods make you feel or the affect they have, stop eating them.mkj
To say that somebody is less healthy because they don’t go to the gym is wrong. A stay at home Mom may have a workout that far exceeds any gym routine that I have put together.
Going to the gym just means the same thing cooking and eating good means. If you treat your body a little better, if you think there are ways to improve, science will help you out and you will feel better.
Know what you are eating, and enjoy eating it.
Enjoy preparing it and stop and take the time to taste and chew each bite.
Of course this isn’t going to happen all the time for everybody depending on life circumstances. Cooking is a great way for you to take time out here and there and reward your mind and your stomach at the same time for being you.
There is some truth to an apple a day. Be good to your body. You can enjoy life, Nicky always believed in moderation which I thought and still do, is such a good compromise.
You know what works for you, what you should do and what you shouldn’t. It goes along with cooking, make better choices for the foods you eat if it will make you happy and you know it.
This is just another way to engage your mind, thinking good thoughts! You control what you feed into your mind and reading is probably the most powerful method of intake.
The resources available for us to be able to read anything we want pretty much anytime and anywhere, makes this one a no brainer. I am going to resolve more in 2018 to read more.
Keep on expressing yourself. We all do this a little bit here and there. For the most part anyways. On Socail Media there is at least a heartbeat from the most introverted people these days. This isn’t a bad thing either.
Writing doesn’t have to be something that is published though either. It is a very personal thing. It is also very powerful, the same way colouring can be. Writing something is taking it to another exentsion of reality when it goes from your mind to your pen and paper.
This self expression can be part of a healing process, a stress reliever. Some where to let the thoughts be and make better thoughts.
I have been and always will be an advocate of colouring since Nicky passed away. I think if you can find the patience to get into colouring and let your imagination take over, it will make you happy.
There are sciences at work that control the way we think and feel, how we interact with our own brain, how we train our mind. Colouring opens and closes some of these doorways into the brain and is known to be a stress reliever.
Colouring lets you step into another world, like watching a movie, it helps you escape and it helps make you happy inside.
Looking back at the past can be an interesting thing, depending on what your situation is. For me sometimes looking back at the past can be start very pleasant, and turn very painful very quickly.
Thinking Good Thoughts means letting yesterday be there as a reminder of the good, even if it feels like there is some bad, no matter who you are or what the situations are.
You can’t beat yourself up about what has happened, especially if it is or was beyond your control.
Learn the lessons from yesterday and let those mistakes serve for what is more important, experience now to live your life and count on when neeeded.
Live in the Now
Thinking Good Thoughts is the best way to life, in the now, in the present.
This list is nothing new, maybe a few different ways to look at some stuff. At the end of the day there is no right or wrong for any of us. What works for you works for you, what makes you happy makes you happy.
Nicky lived here life a lot like that, and I think that I am learning to explore that voice inside myself a little bit more.
It’s where all the things on this list come together. Nicky was an example of all the above. The did everything the best that she could and she did it because it did make her happy. It’s a journey, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that some stuff just doesn’t get figured out.
Keep doing what works for you. Keep Thinking Good Thoughts, Just Love No BS!
Up until now, I think there has been a hint of sadness written with the posts for Justlovenobs.com
Moving forward we want to emphasize the words to heart, Thinking Good Thoughts for 2018. And beyond.
There is absolutely no doubt that losing my spouse was forever life changing. I am a widower and it is not something that I thought I would be able to relate to somebody with.
Losing any loved one is challenging and heart breaking. The stress and the anxieties that come along when facing the battle of a disease or an accident that wasn’t your fault. A diagnosis that doesn’t seem fair, or plain and simple just doesn’t make any sense.
Overcoming these obstacles can be overwhelming at times to say the least. There seems to be a lot of disappointment out there in the world. You feel like your fighting the good fight when the rest of the world seems hell-bent on destruction.
Sometimes it even feels like your own friends and family are against you.
The unfortunate thing is there is always going to be all of that distraction. There is always going to be some corruption out there, some bad that contributes to the chaos that we all call life.
We don’t change it by thinking about it or worrying about it, we change ourselves by Thinking Good Thoughts.
It’s not crazy and it’s not impossible so that’s what we are going to do! Love is the answer, and giving and always thinking good thoughts is how you create your love for the world.
I had no idea how pure Nicky’s words were, nor how powerful.
The time to be sad is over. The time to be thinking good thoughts, is now. This is how you will change, your world, from within. Changing the outer world for you, from within yourself.
Let’s think about it the ways Nicky did. I think it will be fun. For you close friends, you can keep me honest here and make sure you chime in on how we would roll with this stuff.
This means so many things doesn’t it? Good Fortune and wealth? Mix in a little bit of your own good health and happiness.
Then you have the money part about it right. The reality of paying the bills.
Nicky and I were grateful for all the things we had together. We worked hard at our jobs and we accepted the good and bad of our decisions. They were not trade-offs to us. They were agreements that made us happy. This made us prosperous.
Nicky would say, I come by money with ease and I always pay my bills. No, we didn’t save our money like we are always supposed to, but we didn’t look for any handouts either.
For 2018, be proud of the choices you make and live your life by those choices. Do your best at work, whether you are there for the rest of your life or its just a stepping stone for something greater, do it better than anybody else there right now.
Listen to your body, and take care of yourself.
There really is not another way of putting it. There is nothing easy about it. There is definitely nothing fair about it sometimes, but you have to take care of your body, your mind, and your soul.
I am still learning, and again I will go with the wise words of Nicky about taking caring of one’s self.
If I need to sleep, I sleep, If I know something is not good for me, than I don’t want to try it. I also know the difference between what I like, and what I don’t like. And that, is up to me!
Having Cancer didn’t change anything about how Nicky lived her life and took care of herself, even in light of being diagnosed. She listened to her body at all times, she listened to the doctors and she did her best to cover all the bases.
There are things you can do, to start changes for your health. Maybe this article strikes something in you that helps you change just one thing. Start somewhere. An apple a day. A walk. I have been going to the gym myself. One change can lead to another.
Nicky had been changing her life for a few years before her cancer. She had been following a doctor mandated diet and lifestyle regiment for herself. It was difficult but she believed in her goals and made them come true.
Be Healthy, and Be Prosperous.
Love is the Answer
When you are grateful for all you have, and you listen to your inner self, you live your life by decision and acceptance. Then you are living your life with love.
I am not trying to be an authority on it, I am still trying to understand it the best that I can too. This is my own way of understanding it, and the wisdom, the power within the word. If this is what Nicky understood or meant, when I feel this myself when I really think good thoughts.
Some term it as living in the now. I don’t know if Nicky would even realize this is what it is all about. Thinking good thoughts, only good thoughts, when ever and where ever you are.
These thoughts ultimately culminate in the creation of love. They are good thoughts. They are manifested and believed upon, they are no more than the goals we all accomplish, every day.
Live your life with these goals. Just as you do your best at work and your best to take care of yourself, share your goals with the world around you. Inspire people and set an example. Do it because you want to fulfill that feeling inside that guides you pay it forward in life. Do it because it will help people. And those people will help other people.
If you are being true to yourself, and keeping it real, than the rest really does fall into place for you. It has too. It is that unexplainable part of life. Things don’t just happen, Things Happen Just. That is all we have to remember. Things are going to happen one way or the other. Might as well listen to your inner self a little, make the decisions that make the most sense to you and your family and go for it!
Thinking Good Thoughts for 2018.
Those were Nicky’s wishes and they are so simple, and can do such much good.
What are your good thoughts for the coming year? Share them with us!
Remembering it is Sunday is my day with Nicky always makes me smile. I have been refusing to think anything but good thoughts. I am reading, I am going to the gym and I am making changes to my diet, and my thinking. On Sunday realize there is stress relief in meditation and colouring.
There are many different reasons that colouring is actually good for you. There are subtle things happening that you might not even be aware of. Even the fact that you might choose to colour something these days considered “adult” should not over look the healing power that is involved.
It is time that we stop worrying about human expression and concentrate of the communication of thoughts of living life and loving it at the same time.
According to this article, colouring even something consider negative to some is still a positive expression of release…in the most positive environments even possible. The comforts of one’s imagination.
That is what colouring will continue to flourish, and when our imaginations grow and expand like that the greatest ideas and feelings of love are born.
There is more then just a bunch of words here to make you think you should just start colouring, no more then I can convince you to hit the gym.
I can tell you that this might be something you consider doing, just because of how simple it really is. And if you believe in your mind that it can help you, then it will. If you believe you can sit down and start colouring, science just starts to take over whether you like it or not. Whether you know it or not.
When Nicky coloured, here imagination was set free and so was stress. She knew that it was healthy and there was a meditative aspect to it as well. All of that though, was a bonus to here.
The more she coloured the more she developed her skills and took here imaginations and her visions and she filled in the blanks on all the pieces of paper you see.
When I colour, I feel her presence and I understand how the sciences take over. My mind pictures what I am doing and I start to feel, fears and hesitations fade. I explore the colours and I try to fight the impatience. I keep Thinking Good Thoughts.
Nicky was part of a FaceBook group called Color what U Want. I have to take a second to point out that I spell colour, the Canadian way. The name of the group is US. You can join here.
This group, is about colouring what you want. It is simple and to the point. You colour what you want and you post it. You encourage other people to explore thier own imagination and their own individuality.
Colouring is one of the best ways you can indulge in loving yourself and letting your soul breathe. I myself am still learning how to slow down and love myself. The very best decision I have made so far, is taking the time each week to spend with Nicky.