Category Archives: Our Story

Who was Nicky

Hi, I would like you to meet my wife Nicky Bosch. She passed away on May 27 2017 after being diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma cancer just 5 months earlier. It does not get any easier to write about it, much less think about it everyday.

However, that is not the purpose here, to dwell on yesterday. Quite the opposite in fact. There is an insane notion that to move on from any life changing event, no matter how horrendous, you have to find the positive, you have to find something in it to make you grow stronger. Because yes, indeed, if it doesn’t kill you it does make you stronger.

I am here to tell anybody who will listen all about what Nicky Bosch stood for. And I do not mean once or twice or something she just tried out for a while. I mean how she lived her entire life, her outlook and the impression she made with every person she has ever met.

I am so blessed that I was able to spend 18 of the most incredible years of my life with this extraordinary woman. Some days it still feels like it was only yesterday. And some days it feels like I have to get going because there is just so much to share about just how genuine she really was. So, let’s talk a little about Nicky.

I will start by explaining the 420, the leaf that marks this site. If you know Nicky, you know she loved her 420, and I am not here to debate that with anybody. We all have our opinions and our beliefs. I ultimately respect everyone out there for how they decide to live and the choices they make. Even if I don’t agree with you, as long as you don’t express harm or disrespect me for my own choices, I will always be a champion for our rights of freedom.

Now having said that, Nicky worked hard at everything she did. She did not believe in just doing something a little bit, or kind of right. That is not BS either, that is the bottomline. At the end of the day, when Nicky wanted to chill out and just let go, she enjoyed rolling up a joint and being high. She wasn’t hurting anybody, in fact, she just shared the love even more.

What would Nicky say if you asked about her.

Saggitarious and damn proud of it. She embodied a lot of the characteristics of the sign and lived her entire life with a pay it forward attitude.

This is the result of searching traits of Sagittarious on Google.

Wild, you better believe Nicky was wild. She always leaped before she looked and to be honest, we were a little different about that notion. In her passing I have learned, I have missed out a little bit. Life is about jumping, we can look all we want, we may never see the bottom but we have to believe we will land safely.

Fiesty, with a Capital F. If you knew Nicky, you know she was all about being feisty. She always fought the good fight.

Independent and exciting.  The wild child of the zodiac, again, I couldn’t agree more. Nicky made sure we had some fun in our life. We were fortunate to travel the world a little bit before she passed. There is much joy in those memories and when I think back, I am so grateful we took all those trips.

Adventurous, fun loving, sociable and friendly.  These may seem like just words, just descriptions, but they do actually fit Nicky perfectly because she was all of those things all the time. I won’t ever be able to back down from any of these characteristics. Nicky was not only determined to live life to the fullest, she did with everything she experienced. I don’t think she knew any other way because not even the cancer stopped her. Not in spirit. Not with what was still within her control.

What would be next about this extraordinary lady?

The Crazy Cat Lady and damn proud of it! We have had a couple dogs that I will never forget but when we had to move years ago and more dogs were not possible, Nicky wanted a couple of cats. Her love for our pets was expressed through our Facebook page, Nacho & Chip. This is where I continue to share the fun and the love these animals bring. So blessed to be taking care of them. Nicky loved our cats so much, I can tell you they act like dogs. They follow me, everywhere. Not more then a couple days ever go by without each of them rubbing up against me to make sure we are all good. And when I cry, I know they are there, and they understand.

Marilyn Monroe was one of Nicky’s idols. Those of you who knew Nicky, knew that she was beautiful inside and out, however she was always humble. Always. She battled her own self esteem in a world that is so mixed up about what real beauty is. She loved Marilyn because she was actually the same size as the sex symbol, and wanted to find that kind of confidence in herself.

The amazing part of that though, is the fact that she would not hesitant to champion her friends for their own cause. Always putting them and their struggle ahead of her own. I have to use the word always, because Nicky was not a part time anything. Nicky Always Practiced What She Preached and She Always Helped Her Friends.

Unconditional Love, Just Love, No Bullshit. That was Nicky Bosch, my wife, my Queen. Nicky treated me like a KING. Period. EVERYDAY. Period. Her love for me was undaunting and in her death I have many regrets for sometimes taking that unconditional love and loyalty for granted sometimes.

Nicky believed in the power of the universe, Not God as some people may call their own faith. Again I am not here to debate. It is a challenge everyday for me to find courage and strength to continue my life and feel my true purpose.

I believe that love suffers in our world today but it still is and always will be the answer.
I believe that relationships suffer in our world today because men and woman alike have lost focus on what it means to love somebody.
I believe that there is power in setting an example and Nicky had that power and set that example.
I believe that my purpose here, is to take everything that woman gave to me and return it to this earth in a message of power and hope.

Nicky’s perspective before she passed was a simple one, if one can even take such levity in her situation, but she did. She had accepted the cancer and she was at peace that it was her time. She was saddened by this, she didn’t want to die.

She asked that I, and her friends, Think Good Thoughts. That was it. There was nothing else, nothing more powerful then those words to carry us.

They carried her to the end. I and will carry them, and share her message, as long as I still have the chance.

Finding my exact purpose and surviving my wife’s death has been a struggle, as there are many people suffering from unfortunate situations.

Finding the positives, my passions and purpose without her has been difficult. There is one truth, and at the end of the day, it was why we were together so long. There was love. It is and always will be the answer.

Just Love, No BS.

Life after losing a Spouse

So as life continues to move along, I deal with the death of my wife everyday, although some days are more fleeting then others. Life after your wife dies of cancer, for me has been a reminder to go with the flow.  That is what actually held Nicky and I together for almost 20 years together. I think back and I realize now that a lot of stress is created when you don’t go with the flow. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is easier said then done. There is enlightment however when you realize it can be easy, to do too.

The flow of my life has been losing the person that I thought I would die with. The person I said, I could not breath without. Some days it is just real and I just keep living. Some days it all hits me and it feels like she only just passed away yesterday. These thoughts are because I know I will think about her everyday.

The conflict that has been created in my heart, is letting go of guilt. Forgiving myself for how I feel about mistakes in our marriage.  Being able to move on in my own life not being able to make up for the pain I caused while Nicky was alive.  I know I loved my wife with all my heart and soul. I would of traded places with her in a hearbeat.  She loved me unconditionally and in the end, all I could do was love her and make her feel as comfortable as possible.

In her death I am learning what forgiveness means. For yourself and for others.  It is a part of love and it is a part of strength.  When we are able to realize that we are fallible human beings. We will live and learn in our life and we will experience victories and tragedies.

Our world is so much different from when I first met Nicky. So many things have changed including myself and how to interact in the world. However, when you keep going with the flow, it also help you realize that adapting to change and interaction is part of life. It will happen. And if you don’t go with the flow, it flows without you anyways.

My other battle sometimes, is a selfishness that I don’t even know how to explain. It, I think is confusing, in my own mind because it kind of is like throwing a wrench into going with the flow. If you have a wife with cancer, or you have feelings you can relate to, maybe you will understand. I feel selfish for my own emotions.

Whether those emotions be guilt or remorse, sadness or smiles. I get caught in a twisted loop and then feel selfish for not just moving on.

And here we are. Writing a blog about my beautiful wife and best friend dying of cancer and learning how to live life again. Love and strength in sharing. I have love to give. Nicky taught me that.

I am a strong person. Nicky recognized that and supported that. She loved me for who I was and she made me a better man for it.

Letting go means there is no time limit on my grief, or my happiness. There is no time limit in life. You don’t know what the plan is along the way because sometimes, the mind blows the map away. Marching forward has a new meaning for me. I don’t want my life to be about never getting over this. I want my life to be sharing this part of it.

Nicky was an incredible person and I miss her. I would want her to be happy, and ironically, I know she would move on if I had passed, appropriately.

Before I personally continue to ramble, I think I have made my point. For anybody out there, suffering because your wife died from cancer, I can relate. We are allowed to live and love again.

Think Good Thoughts!

Thanks for Reading.