This is going to be deep, a little short and to the point but I hope I can get what I want to say accross. My writing is always a combination of what I feel myself and what lessons I want to convey to the world. Justifying myself as an authority on relationships can hold me back sometimes, not anymore. The question I ask myself, and so should most men, Are You Present In Your Relationship?
Start With The Men
I am here. and there is nothing I can say that will change my story. That is why I embrace it. My truths as I call them. I find it weird for even myself to think of what I am exposing about myself and my mistakes but that is the only way to heal and make the world a better place.
So on one hand, I find myself being a male voice for healing, a label I was given by a professional in the field, you can find Mandy by clicking here. She is the real deal and I have been a reference point for here in the quest for understanding relationships and how men and women tick.
Part of this growth, is understanding of course, who we are, and how we commit ourselves to a relationship. The overall point of this negative, is the fact that there are men that want to heal, and be able to forgive themselves for the wrong they have done.
I do believe more men the women are out there lying and cheating, playing the field as we call it. If they claim they are present and happy in their life, they do not love nor care for the partners in their relationships.
Honestly, men are my focal point. And, I think in reaching out, I can help other men, who like me, need to find the strength to confess and face the demons. Understand the reasoning and seek forgiveness from their partner.
At the same time, I hope to give women, enpowerment over their relationships. The courage to believe in the feelings they get, the courage to change the situation if not address it.
Love is a Choice
That L word is a scary one and people my age ( early 40’s) have many different perspectives on what it means. Words like loyalty and commitment are just natural assumptions that used to go along with the word LOVE, sadly though, assumptions about your heart and affections can be the most dangerous ones of all.
We seem to find it much easier to deny the realities of our relationships rather then face them when they are not what we expected. Our fear of being alone or even the slightest rejection can hold a power over us.
The truth of the matter is though when you are in a relationship, your partner needs to be there, committed and loyal to love you, physically, spiritually and mentally. And all of those actions are a choice to live up to.
Being Present
CMy most recent articles have been a combination of guilt, healing and enlightment all at the same time. I say this because despite wanting to tell my story I never thought I would get this raw with some of my topics. I feel like I have tried to tread upon these waters carefully. I don’t feel embarrassed about my story where it gets really personal, I know it has to be dealt with, at least for my own personal sanity.
It is living in the present. Taking just enough from the past to understand what is important to learn from, and what is needed to heal. Combine that with listening to what I say is my soul, my gut, my inner voice leading me here to express my feelings into the keyboard.
I am in a new relationship now. The changes were welling up and the articles were written and in the middle of it all I met somebody, somebody different.
There was no holding back. The feelings were present. The conversations in meeting were very raw. As a woman familiar with dating and all the disturbing things some men choose to do as an approach…my new girlfriend called my bluff. On everything.
And so she should. As that seems to be what dating can be like now. Or should I say the pre game show?
Messaging one another with online dating platforms or social media, there is no boundaries anymore it would seem. So women are ready to deflect all these unwanted advances. It’s actually becoming a retundant chore from what I can see.
It also makes it difficult for those of us, like myself, I suppose who consider ourselves on a higher level. Yes, despite my mistakes, I consider myself a level up and just this little bit of a rant about the scene and everything I write about
The Truth
Every single relationship is different, every dynamic. We don’t know what connection 2 people have between them or why. That is a choice each person is making, and the choice to believe in those feelings is recipricated.
In my new relationship, I have told my entire story. As awkward as that may sound, that is what happened and the feeling I have is one of healing and self confidence on many levels. I don’t care what I shared or what other people think. I am present, and in exposing my faults and habits, I am dealing with them.
I owed my new partner full disclosure. Where I have been, Why I am here and where I want to go. I owe it to myself to be present and clear and focused. And not lie to myself, or to her about what I want my life to be.
I’ll just say it, some of the habits of self pleasure have had negative affects on my thinking. Distorted my realities at times. I choose to talk about those feelings and those issues for a reason and I have no regrets talking about it now.
These truths have also created a bond in my new relationship already. A bond only the truth can create, when 2 people are honest about everyting in there soul.
Can You Look Into Each Other’s Eyes?
Right now, I can cuddle up with my new girlfriend and just stare into her eye’s. There is no hurt or pain, there are no lies between us and neither one of us has to worry about a bad feeling.
We are present. I am, as difficult as it might be, choosing to stay in the present and fix what makes me dysfunctional not only in my daily life, but in my relationship with her.
I have seen some demonstrations of this being present effect. Most in Tony Robbins events. There is however no denying the truth when you stare it down.
Looking into your partners eyes without looking away is a very powerful thing, it can expose the negative without speaking a word.
I don’t want to be right about the things I write about, I often wonder if I will cause more hurt in peoples life, if I expose what they are also battling in their own relationships.
But that is the point. I am right, I have this experience and it can be painful, it is not a way to live life.
There is no easy way to say, if you can’t look each other in the eye and tell the truth, your love is not strong enough. Only you can decide whether you trust your partner, that they will be there for you and they are commited to you, and only you.
If you are not, committed to your partner, if you lie and cheat, you are hurting them. You need to heal, and they deserve the freedom to move on, to love somebody and be loved.
I hope this message finds the right people as always. And empowers them, with the truth.
Thanks for reading. Thinking Good Thoughts. Love is always the Answer. Just Love, No BS.
