There are a lot of things said here, that are said for the reasons of comfort, and reminder. They are things said not just here but all over the world every day as people cope. When I write on this site I sometimes forget it was a coping mechanism at the time. I hadn’t given any thought to what was coming in life. I know I was blind to the news to begin with. As I have said, I created the website in what seemed a moment when I bonded with Nicky over her colouring talents. Things are not really getting better, so I really understand why you have to enjoy the time.
No easy way to say the timer is showing. Nicky was able to come home and be here comfortably. I have lost track of the last couple weeks because her care and comfort have been the only that is important. I comment people all over the world for their struggles. Just getting up out of bed some days is a step, no matter how mimimal it may seem.
The reality of what this disease is doing kick in, whether you want them to or not. There is a change of appearance and knowing your loved one is suffering snaps you back to earth. I feel selfish sometimes for wanting her to be here at home, but that just is not what this is all about. She has to be comfortable. Nicky deserves that, as we all do.
My wife has accepted her fate. I have not. I don’t want to be alone at the home I bought for her. Our cats feel like kids to me. Everything is rather surreal to be completely honest.
I feel this, I feel the want to continue a legacy for Nicky. My wife has been the most positive influence in my life. My wife Nicky was in my life to show me how to love unconditionally and what that means.
How to look at the world differently. How to look at all the terrible stuff and just let it sit there. Can’t change it. Can’t let it make you different. If you do, you miss out on the only things that are really important. Living. Enjoy the time. You don’t know when your life my change. You don’t know if your path is to become a person who can no longer say, doesn’t happen to me.
Accepting that my wife is battling a disease is really difficult, knowing that battle is about pain and comfort. It is overwhelming and sad to think she might not be coming home again. I cannot hide from the fact and hauntingly so, my wife has encouraged to keep living, that’s what she wants.
I have mentioned love, and I will continue to spread that message, for Nicky, as she said, no BS.
This site makes me step into her world. There is positive in my emotion despite it’s pain. If you can relate, I hope you find something here that makes you smile. That was always Nicky’s goal.
Thanks for Reading.
